The rosebud installment

Poor dude, he's so jacked up.  I wish there was something I could do to make steps easier for him.  Aside from building a ramp, I'm not sure. He has short legs and a long body and his roachy topline makes his butt taller or nearly than his head. This presents a big problem with steps, even short flights of steps.  When he tries to go down on his own, he almost always goes down on his elbows or hits his face on the flagstones. Part of the problem is the speed in which he attempts it.  When he is less scared of them, he may slow down and it become easier.  For now, I keep his front end elevated with the harness/leash so he doesn't smash his face.  The picture insert is from Saturday, one of the times he laid down close but just out of reach.  I'm glad he's not afraid of the camera and in general doesn't seem too afraid of inanimate objects unlike most shy dogs.  That's interesting.  No fear of the car, the camera, the recycling, the trash cans, mailboxes.  His wariness is people centric - and closed in places like doorways and hallways and weird things like steps.  He also doesn't seem too wary of sounds, cars, alarms, the icecream truck, kids yelling and screaming.  Big difference from Kiki but then she had lived in a small run on a small farm, behind some buildings out in BFE, a silent existence.  Maybe living on a chain afforded him a little more environmental experience.

We did our daily laydown in front of the crate. Everyone joined in this am, zelda, cosmo and even Annabelle stood over me. Peering down like the snoopy vulture.  All wags from inside but no dice. Cosmo rubbing on the crate did nothing to entice.  He did lean out and lick my fingers once but no dice on leaving his sanctuary.  But instead of closing the crate to come back later, I just got up, walked away and he followed.  He also puts himself back in the crate when we come in.  Goes back through the kitchen on his own (usually I'm still closing the door) and then panics just a bit going through the tight hallway. His back feet kind of slip out from under him and he bolts through.  He doesn't bolt through on the way out, just the way in and if I'm close he'll panic and shoot through and gouge my bare feet in the process.  So I let him do it himself. If I take too long, he'll come back out.  Then when I get there, he'll put himself back in or miss the crate and head down in the corner.  When his underwear gets here we will start letting him explore more inside the house. Right now we spend a lot of time just watching each other outside.  His crate should probably be moved to a central location but I don't have a central location that's big enough. We might switch to a smaller crate so I can do this next week.

He seems to take treats better and it could be because his weight is increasing.  He is certainly very "charged" at meal times and very vocal.  I have increased his meals to 3.5 cups per day and treats in between. That seems to help the desperate air around feeding and he has slowed down a lot.  No more gulping.  I also leave him alone mostly and just watch from the door.  Overall though I do think he's getting a little more gentle.  Maybe learning where the food ends and my fingers begin.  With something really delicious, he forgets and tries to take my fingers too.

Kiki and Linus (the rosebud diary)

I don't think anyone truly understands how difficult this is, to have Linus in my house because of Kiki.  It's my own fault because I like to keep things pretty close to the chest.  So no-one knows how much Kiki hurt me, how much I wanted to keep that little dog if my living situation would have been different. How much I really loved her and wanted her and saw something special in that little body - that twinkle in her eye that said "I want to live" even though she was so scared of the world.  How much I cried when she took her last breath.  I would have kept her, kept her safe and she would have been much like Annabelle eventually.  Not adoptable but to the general public, a pretty good example, her mistakes and shortcomings kept private.  How I couldn't in an rental house, in a neighborhood of inappropriate children, with my own niece coming over.  How I contemplated just quitting rescue after putting her down.  How much I still think of her and wonder if I did the right thing, if I somehow couldn't have made it work.

Now, one year later, another unadoptable dog in my house, my niece moved to tennessee and on the cusp of purchasing a home....this isn't Kiki.  This isn't my squirrely little girl.  It hurts and it also hurts because of the other dogs that don't need this much work that won't get a chance.  Same conflict I had over Kiki, all of the other dogs without her issues that need a chance and won't get one.  Dogs that are currently "adoptable".  The whole host of issues that come with a dog like this.  Things I think about every day.   I can't help comparing the two.

Perhaps I'm the perfect place for Linus. I have no expectations for him so there is no need to be impatient with him when he doesn't meet them.  He's shy, unsocialized and lacks bite inhibition.  His reactions are sometimes unpredictable.

I can open his crate and lay on my back 5 feet away and he will stand inside and wag his tail.  Most dogs will come when I do this, even the shy ones.  I just lay there looking up at the ceiling and he won't come.  Zelda comes to say hi, even walks into the crate to rub his face because she knows he's a twinkie. He wags his tail harder but doesn't come. Eventually he will lay back down and we will have a stalemate.  I close the door and go away. Then I will come back, open the crate and walk away.  He follows to the door, I hook him to the cable and help him down the stairs.  We spent a lot of time looking at each other and just sitting outside.

A Good and Sad Day - The diary of Rosebud

Today, the day before independence day was a nice break from work. I took the creatures over to the parents house for a relaxing day in the yard.  I took off Linus' harness and lead when we got there so he could enjoy the freedom of a securely fenced yard.  He really seemed to enjoy himself and at times sprawled out on his side in the green grass.  Almost a smile on his face, look of contentment, blissfully free of chains and bindings.  He tried to initiate a little play between the fence with the neighbor's dog, Annabelle and my parent's dog - all rebuffed by the old fogies so he went about his business.  Even got into a little mischief when he stole his harness in an attempt to destroy it.  Rolled in some poo and scratched his back. He seemed to have a really nice day of freedom.  When he napped, he seemed to nap heavily.

My parents got to meet him.  I held him while my dad patted him and he accepted it though it was clear from the lowered tail and leaning away that he would rather be elsewhere.  He accepted a treat from my mother on outstretched fingers later as he scooted away quickly once he grabbed it.  He slipped up behind her to sniff her back while she sat in the grass.  Her fingers were able to touch his head on one pass.  He wags his tail apologetically but will not come forward.  He probably edged in to three feet away head on and hung around in the general area when we sat in the grass. He would lay down with us but just out of arms reach.  I can walk up to him and pet him, sit down beside him and otherwise handle him but he is not sharing that with anyone willingly at this point.  Sometimes he even still seems wary of me and will get a little squirrely.

It is sad, to see in his eyes the lack of trust, the uncertainty. Just sad to see this neglect he must have suffered.   The berth he gives people, the dash at sudden movements.  They got Fios cable and three cable guys were in and out of the yard and Linus seemed friendly but only at a distance. He wags when you speak to him and raises his head, flicks his ears but he will not approach.  One of the guys got down on his knee and tried to make friends but he made no headway.  Linus just skittered to 10 feet out and wagged his tail in apology.

He will be adoptable when he is able to greet strangers freely (without fear) while off lead in a fenced area. That is our goal for him.  When he can greet people face to face while unleashed and untethered and otherwise of his own free will.....then he will be able to go to a new home. When he learns bite inhibition and does not nip and bite on the rare occasions when he tries to initiate some play with me (or anyone).

His body looks better, still on the thin side but his backbone is not clearly visible.  He has the general sausage shape now and hopefully he will begin to build some muscle.  It seems like his chest is looking better.   Overal he seems to have enjoyed his 6 hours of freedom this afternoon.  He has in general seemed to have a better attitude this week. Turning over the recycling to destroy magazines and newspapers and general naughtiness that means he is thinking about more than just being miserable.

House Hunting Et Al

Still house hunting. The little maplewood house I love so much might be getting a makeover for me in anticipation that I will buy it from a general contractor.  I'm excited about it but still looking for a house in the interim.  Who knows if the numbers will work for me.  My price break is not a good one, there is a lot of "crap" out there. Ill kept foreclosures, poor neighborhoods and older homes without current updates (like air conditioning).

I really want to have my own piece of the american dream.

Thankfully on another note, Linus the rosebud seems to have stopped eating his own poop. Small blessings for progress even though he is still wrapped up as tight as a new bud on the bush.  Baby steps.  He is looking better, spine not so clearly visible but beginning to take an unformed sausage shape.  He did come up onto the porch on his own twice this week when I went back inside and actually took a nap on the door mat.  He is also getting better crashing down the stairs (maybe, it's probably my aid).

The muzzle punching the bowl also seems to have stopped and that's probably because I have stopped trying to hand feed him or hold the bowl. He is definitely more comfortable if I am several feet away.  He jerks if I touch him while he's eating and touching his head will cause him to bolt from the bowl altogether.

Initiating play

Trying to initiate some play after breakfast before I put him up and left to work.

Diary of Rosebud installment

Picked up Linus, formerly known as Rosebud and also known as "the twinkie" from the vet this afternoon.  He was vetted and is home now sans balls, hw negative and vaccinated.  The vet indicated he was easy to work on, a cupcake in her estimation.  They had no problems with him at the vet except he seemed somewhat fearful.  Didn't want to come from his run and had problems walking on the leash.  He was carried back on Thursday as the tech had no luck getting him to walk with him. No coaxing in the world was going to get him to leave the lobby.

He walked out on his own tentatively but at least on his own.  He is quiet when he rides, just curls up in a ball in the back.  He wears a body harness when he's out on the tie and on a leash since he can't back out of it nor can it slip off his head. It's a "right fit" in a figure 8 style that prevents slipping out.  We spend a lot of time just looking at each other. Me from the porch with my zoom lens and him from the yard.  At least he is not freaked out by the camera as many dogs seem to be.  He seems the most comfortable outside.

The Diary of Rosebud

Rosebud is what I thought of when I was looking him over with his delicate little blush colored nose and pink lips.  He was pulled from a shelter this week and I'm concerned about him and his ability to move into a pet home. He is not an adoptable dog - not now anyway.  He seems shy, too shy, too un-socialized.  It's sad, really sad to see this dog and see his general distrust of people.  I've unfortunately seen this before in other dogs that haven't made it.  There is a little bit of hope that he can come around and adjust and learn to actually like people.  I just don't know. He's a mature dog that came from a cruelty investigation. Living on a chain his whole life and probably has met very few people outside of a neglectful and potentially abusive owner.  He is easy to handle, doesn't offer any aggression. Allows himself to be manipulated and evaluated but it is clear he does not enjoy it and would like the touching to stop.   He accepted his first bath, grooming, vet inspection and even allowed me to give him a dental today to clean the tartar from his teeth.  He has a long time to go before he can be considered adoptable and I wonder if he can make it to be a pet.  Everything is new, leashes, cars, crates, bowls, stairs, doorways everything is a new and painful experience to him.  He seems to struggle with the basic concepts.  Only time can tell if he will improve.  A sneeze during his meal sent him reeling about three feet before he recovered.  He would still rather not eat unless I am several feet away from his bowl.

I don't know what will become of him and how I can reconcile this if he doesn't make it. I know that I can't put down another unstable dog.  Kiki broke my heart and I just can't bring myself to take part in it again.  I would rather walk away than do it again but this time the choice is not up to me. He is here now for better or for worse and how we will manage is something I don't yet know.